My New Look for Spring

I've been selling lots of stuff on eBay lately (It's one reason, regular readers may have noticed, that I haven't been posting on my blog as often. I've been too busy: making non-stop trips to the post office or carefully editing every word in my listing descriptions as if they're the newly-discovered sonnets in the collection of a long-lost poetic genius or else seeing how many different ways I can photograph an ugly-ass Tommy Hilfiger shirt like I'm the new Annie Liebowitz.)

I'll post more about my not-so-exciting eBay addiction later, but what I wanted to post about is what happened to me today.

I had a few pieces of unwanted, overpriced crap that had sold last night on eBay and I had to bring it all to the post office to mail to the sad people in Omaha and Rice Lake who'd bought them.

I packaged and taped it all up, checked the addresses twice then had some green tea and got ready to go. It seemed pretty bright and chilly, so I grabbed my totally excellent Jackie-O-in-the-80s giant-style Swiss Army sunglasses and my grey Uniqlo hooded sweatshirt Jeff and I got in Japan.

It was really cold outside, so I walked along the street at a pretty fast clip. I was rounding a corner and I almost bumped into this woman. You know when you're in a hurry and going around a corner, cutting pretty close to the side of the building, but then someone else is coming the other way, doing the same thing? Usually you narrowly avoid each other, do that little sidestep dance of politeness as you both try to choose which way to go around the other? You sort of smile or half-laugh or just mumble excuse me and go on your way?

Usually that's what happens. But this woman gasped. In shock. "My Lord," she said. I walked past her and was like, "What? Is there a dead rat on the ground or something?"

I kept walking and then it occured to me: She was stunned by me.

The big glasses. Hooded sweatshirt. Messy hair. A slightly hungover edge from a little dinner party Jeff and I'd given the night. The stack of packages in my hand must have really completed the whole Unabomber look of my ensemble. (And it's Midtown Atlanta, so, yes, by the way, there probably was a dead rat on the ground nearby).

So voila! My new look for Spring. A totally fresh, startling, edgey look I achieve without even trying... And it definitely makes a statement. Haute Couture from the House of Kaczynski. See ya on the runway, suckas!